There’s something deeply lonely about parenting a child with developmental challenges; not only because of the realities you live with every day, but also because of how often those realities are misunderstood, diluted, or unintentionally dismissed by people who genuinely mean well…
Most people are not trying to be hurtful. In fact, some of the most difficult conversations often come from educated, progressive, emotionally intelligent people with the kindest intentions. Intent and impact, however, are not always the same thing…
“Sometimes you don’t need advice. You just need someone to understand that your journey is not the same as theirs.”
I remember once speaking to a senior leader — someone incredibly accomplished, thoughtful, and widely regarded as empathetic. She took genuine interest in my son and listened patiently as I shared some of our struggles…
After a few minutes, she spoke about her own son — exceptionally bright, academically far ahead of his peers, intellectually gifted to the point where school no longer challenged him. She spoke about his emotional struggles, his difficulty relating to children his age, and the support he needed to navigate those challenges better. She concluded gently: “Every child has their own set of challenges. Parenting is tough for everyone…”
That sentence stayed with me for a long time…
Not because her struggles were invalid. They were absolutely real. Parenting is hard in many different ways. However, there is also a painful disconnect in equating the struggles of a child who is ahead of the curve with those of a child who may spend his entire life trying to keep up with the most basic aspects of daily living…
“Every journey is different but not every difference carries the same weight…”
Here I was speaking about a child who may struggle with communication, comprehension, daily routines, social understanding, and independence. A child whose future keeps me awake at times because I wonder who will care for him when I will no longer be around…
When such different realities are placed side by side in the same breath, even with good intentions, it can feel less comforting and more isolating. This is not because the other person lacks kindness, but because some experiences can only be understood from the inside…
Over time, you slowly stop opening up as much. Not out of bitterness, but exhaustion. You begin to realize that even people with immense awareness and empathy may still not fully grasp what this life feels like…
I remember another conversation where I shared about my son’s academic struggles and my uncertainty around how far he might realistically go within the formal education system. The response came quickly:
“That’s okay. So many successful people drop out of school or college these days. The education system is overrated anyway.”
Perhaps that was meant to sound hopeful and, in another context, it probably would have. There is, however, a world of difference between someone consciously walking away from opportunity and someone struggling to access it in the first place because comprehension, language, and learning themselves are barriers…
These are not comparable realities even if the intention behind the comparison is optimism…
“Kind intentions can still leave deep wounds when understanding is missing…”
Yet, despite everything, parents like us do learn acceptance. Slowly. Quietly. Painfully at times. We learn to celebrate things the world may overlook entirely — a new word spoken clearly, a small routine mastered independently, a moment of confidence, or a peaceful day after a difficult week…
Our definition of progress changes and, in many ways, so does our definition of joy…
What becomes difficult over time is not always the situation itself. Human beings adapt far more than they imagine they can. What hurts more deeply is the invisibility that sometimes comes with it — the feeling that your reality is constantly being softened, compared, corrected, discarded, or philosophized away…
“Sometimes you don’t need perspective or solutions. You simply want to be seen and heard…”
Maybe what people truly need is not advice, reassurance, or forced positivity. Perhaps they simply need someone willing to sit beside their reality without trying to immediately reshape it into something easier to process…
A little sensitivity goes a long way in human relationships…
- It is cruel to speak at length about how loving, protective, and supportive your parents are to someone who has grown up without them…
- It is insensitive to passionately discuss yours or your child’s sporting achievements with someone living with physical limitations or disabilities…
- It is unkind to casually showcase luxury, branded lifestyles, expensive vacations, or material abundance to someone struggling to make ends meet…
And so on and so forth…
This does not mean we stop celebrating our lives or speaking authentically. It simply means we learn to hold space for context, timing, and emotional awareness…
Kindness is not just about good intentions. Sometimes, it is also about knowing when to pause, when to listen, and when not to compare…
Perhaps that small pause can make this world feel a little gentler for everyone…
On that note, I will rest my thoughts until we meet again…
For more such insights and real-life examples, please check out my book, When I Met The “Unexpected” – A Guide For All Parents and help make this world an inclusive place for everyone.
Take Care
Learn, Accept, Intervene
An Unexpected Journey 